News broke last week that two hunters in rural Georgia had discovered a Bigfoot and were storing the body of the man-beast in a large icebox. The hunters are keeping the body in their care pending DNA testing to be performed this week. Grainy pictures have made the rounds on the Internet showing a large, hairy, ape-like creature that the hunters claim weighs nearly five hundred pounds.

Upon hearing the news and seeing the photo, Paul Sasquatch of North Cave said that he wasn’t surprised. The captured Bigfoot was Paul’s brother-in-law, Gene.

“Gene has always been a screw-up. He was probably drunk, running around chasing squirrels when those idiot rednecks got him.”

Paul says that Gene had been living in the family cave off and on for six years. Gene had never been able to hold down a job, and he spent most of his time playing Guitar Hero.

“Worthless is what he was”, says Paul.

When asked if the discovery of his idiot brother-in-law would endanger the rest of the species, Paul is quoted as saying, “Fuck if I know. Most Bigfoot hunters wouldn’t know a real Sasquatch from a kitty cat. Gene’s capture hasn’t helped us, though. Asshat.”